When Setting the Table Can Be A Cultural Minefield!

Entertaining a family of Japanese heritage neighbours who were new to our suburban Aussie street recently brought a whole lot of memories flooding back. It reminded me that the little things can be appreciated and garner cultural respect.

In my youth in South London, I had been blown away by a family of Japanese for whom I did some gardening work. They were so polite and considerate and got me thinking about those stereotypes from my parents’ war (WWII) that were so ingrained in us kids. I’d never encountered Japanese people before and this was a very positive experience.

Some years later, I found myself in Bangkok, the capital of Thailand, where I taught English. Nearly all my students were Japanese, not Thai; their community was the largest expat group in the 1980s and was reckoned to be some 15,000 strong.

My students were invariably charming to work with but one, Mrs Washi, was a stickler for cultural correctness. But even I was aghast when a situation occurred during the tea break in your English language session.

The Thai maid, who was taught to approach the coffee table by kneeling (as is true Thai high manners), placed the tea, and Mrs Washi smiled. All was going according to plan.

The maid, smiling appropriately, then placed the accompanying cheesecake in front of her boss and me, the guest.

Mrs Washi then looked aghast, verbally berated the maid, turned the cheesecake around, and offered her heartfelt apologies to the English teacher, who was bemused with a capital B.

As the maid scurried away from the tongue lashing and seeing my befuddlement, Mrs Washi explained that the pointy end of the cheesecake had been aimed at me, in effect, a dagger to my heart in Japanese culture. She explained some other cultural no-nos, especially those involving the placement of chopsticks on Japanese tables.

Like the cheesecake, they should be horizontal to the guest with the tip to the left. It’s taboo to put them vertically or stick in a bowl, or heaven forbid, pointing at the guest!

Just recently I’d bought a charming Japanese dinner set and the wife had laid the table for our guests’ arrival. It amused me to see the chopsticks placed on the bowls like one might position knives and forks to the side.

I readjusted the table setting, and the doorbell rang.

Seeing me place slippers in front of our guests and it being obvious that in this Aussie house, shoes should be removed at the door, my guests bowed gently, took off their footwear, and, after being invited, proceeded into the house.

They praised the table setting, as well as they might.

And I remembered Mrs Washi and all the other Japanese and all they had taught me, the English teacher.